患有社交焦虑症的人如何交朋友
Making friends as an adult is hard enough, and adding social anxiety can make it feel almost impossible.
If you struggle with social anxiety, you might worry what others think, fear saying the wrong thing, or avoid social situations altogether. You’re not alone – many people feel the same way.
The good news is that having social anxiety doesn’t mean you can’t form real, meaningful friendships. It might take patience and practice stepping out of your comfort zone, but making friends is possible – even if you feel anxious every step of the way.
Understand the Challenge
Social anxiety often causes an intense fear of being judged or rejected in social settings, which is why making friends can feel so daunting.
You might notice your heart racing or your mind imagining worst-case scenarios (like “They’ll think I’m weird”) even before an interaction.
Remember, these anxious thoughts are symptoms of social anxiety – not objective truths about you.
It’s not that you’re incapable of friendship; your brain is just on high alert to protect you from embarrassment.
Remind yourself that social anxiety is common and treatable. How you feel now isn’t permanent – with time and practice, it can change.
Preparing for Social Situations (Beforehand)
Easing your anxiety before you socialize will help you actually take the leap to meet people. Try these tactics prior to an interaction:
Challenge negative thoughts
Social anxiety may tell you things like “No one will like me” or “I’ll definitely mess up.” Practice catching those thoughts and questioning them.
Ask yourself, “Do I know that for sure?” Then reframe them into more positive or realistic ones.
For example, instead of “I always make things awkward,” tell yourself, “I might feel awkward, but others probably won’t judge me for it.”
This kind of cognitive reframing can take away some of anxiety’s power.
Take small steps outside your comfort zone
Avoiding all social situations keeps you stuck, so start with small, manageable interactions to build confidence.
Even saying hello to a neighbor or chatting briefly with a cashier is progress. Each small step teaches you that you can handle social contact, and you can gradually work up to bigger social challenges as your comfort grows.
Prepare and practice calming strategies
It helps to have a plan. Think of a couple of easy topics or questions beforehand (for example, commenting on your surroundings or asking about the other person’s hobby) so you feel more ready to start a conversation (BUT, be careful not to overprepare).
Also, use relaxation techniques before you go out – try a few deep breaths or a short meditation to center yourself. Taking slow, calming breaths can steady your nerves and signal your body to relax.
By preparing some conversation starters and calming yourself, you set yourself up to enter the social situation a bit more confidently.
Finding Opportunities to Meet People
Another challenge is figuring out where to meet potential friends, especially in ways that won’t overload your anxiety.
Look for low-pressure environments where conversation happens more naturally. For example:
Join groups or classes around your interests
When you share an interest with others, it’s easier to start conversations. Consider a book club, gaming meetup, exercise class, or any hobby group you’d enjoy. Focusing on an activity together takes the pressure off.
Simply showing up to a regular group activity can help friendships form naturally over time.
Start with people you know (a little)
You don’t always have to approach total strangers. You could reach out to a coworker, classmate, or neighbor you already know in passing.
Invite one of them for a casual coffee or lunch. Building on an existing acquaintance can feel safer since you have some rapport already, and it might gradually grow into a closer friendship.
Try friend-making apps – but plan to meet up
Apps like Bumble BFF or Meetup can connect you with people who are also looking for friends. They’re a great way to find potential pals from home, but don’t get stuck only texting.
After chatting with someone new, suggest a short meet-up in a public place (like grabbing a coffee).
Face-to-face interaction is where real friendships form. It may be nerve-racking, but meeting in person helps turn an online acquaintance into a real-life friend.
Say “yes” to invitations
If someone invites you to a gathering or event, challenge yourself to accept at least occasionally, even if your instinct is to decline.
You might meet new people through mutual friends or just enjoy being around others. If it feels overwhelming, plan to stay just for an hour or so as an “exit plan.”
Pushing yourself to be present (even briefly) gives you chances to connect. The more you practice saying yes (within your limits), the easier it can become.
Tips for Socializing (During Interactions)
When you’re actually in a conversation or social setting, anxiety might spike. Here are ways to manage anxious feelings during interactions and help you connect:
Focus on the other person
Rather than fixating on your own anxiety, focus on the person you’re talking to. By concentrating on what they’re saying (instead of on your worries), you’ll feel less stuck in your head.
People also appreciate a good listener. Asking open-ended questions (like “How did you get into this hobby?”) can get them talking and help the conversation flow naturally.
Use small talk to break the ice
Don’t worry if the conversation starts with simple topics like the weather or “How was your weekend?”
Small talk might feel trivial, but it’s a useful way to warm up and find common ground. It might reveal common ground that sparks a deeper discussion.
You could discover shared interests that lead to more engaging topics. You don’t need to say something profound with every sentence – friendly and attentive is enough.
Allow the conversation to develop at its own pace.
Stay present and be kind to yourself
If you notice your mind racing with self-critical thoughts (“I must look so awkward”), gently shift your focus back to the moment.
Ground yourself by noticing something around you – e.g. the taste of your drink or the background music – to avoid getting lost in your head.
Remind yourself that it’s okay to be a bit nervous. The other person likely isn’t observing you as harshly as you are.
If you start feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to excuse yourself for a minute to breathe and then return.
You don’t have to be perfect – being genuine and interested is far more important than being smooth.
After Socializing: Coping with Post-Event Anxiety
For many people with social anxiety, the worrying continues after the interaction. You might replay the conversation in your head, overthink, and judge yourself harshly.
This “post-mortem” can sour your experience and discourage you from future outings. To handle anxiety after socializing:
Don’t beat yourself up
Resist the urge to criticize yourself for things you think you did “wrong.” Social anxiety can exaggerate minor awkward moments into big disasters in your mind.
In reality, that joke that fell flat or the fact you stumbled on a word is no big deal to anyone else. Instead, give yourself credit for what went right (e.g., “I introduced myself today — that was brave.”).
Chances are the other person isn’t dwelling on any slip-ups, so try to let those go. Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend who had an awkward moment.
Let it go and refocus
Once you’ve left the social setting, do something to shift your mind away from analysis mode.
Distract yourself with a relaxing or fun activity – watch a favorite show, play a game, take a walk or shower – anything to break the cycle of overthinking.
Then make a conscious choice to let the event go. Remind yourself that one interaction doesn’t define you.
Learn any small lessons if needed and then move forward. Don’t swear off socializing just because you felt anxious – every experience is practice, and it will get easier over time as you build confidence.
Expert Tips and Advice
To reinforce these strategies, here are some expert-backed tips for overcoming social anxiety and building friendships:
- Challenge your thoughts (use CBT): Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a proven method for social anxiety. It teaches you to spot distorted thoughts and replace them with realistic ones. For instance, instead of “Everyone is judging me,” you might practice thinking “I feel nervous, but it’s probably not as noticeable as I think.” Over time, this practice can make social interactions less scary.
- Gradual exposure works: Slowly and repeatedly facing your social fears helps diminish them. Experts agree that systematically confronting feared situations bit by bit can greatly reduce anxiety. Each time you push yourself to attend an event or speak up, you build confidence – it’s like exercising a muscle. If you keep at it, things that once induced panic will start to feel more routine.
- Consider seeking support: If your anxiety is overwhelming, don’t hesitate to get professional help. A therapist can provide guidance, role-play tricky situations with you, and teach you specialized techniques for managing anxiety. Social anxiety is very treatable, so getting professional help can significantly speed up your progress. Even a short course of therapy can equip you with tools to make socializing easier, so there’s no shame in getting support.
Conclusion
Building friendships with social anxiety is a journey that takes time and courage, but every small step is progress.
Don’t measure success by becoming the most outgoing person in the room – success is when you try, when you say “hello” despite your nerves, or when you attend that meetup even if your hands were shaking.
You might always feel some level of anxiety in social situations, and that’s okay. What matters is not letting that fear stop you from connecting with others.
Be patient and proud of yourself for each effort. The more you practice, the easier it will get, even if it’s gradual.
Remember that you deserve friends who appreciate you, and there are people out there who will.ReviewerAuthor
BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester
Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology
Saul McLeod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.
当你有社交焦虑时如何交朋友
作为一个成年人，交朋友已经够困难的了，再加上社交焦虑，你会觉得这几乎是不可能的。
如果您患有社交焦虑症，您可能会担心别人的想法，害怕说错话，或者完全避免社交场合。你并不孤单——很多人都有同样的感觉。
好消息是，患有社交焦虑并不意味着你无法建立真正、有意义的友谊。走出你的舒适区可能需要耐心和练习，但交朋友是可能的——即使你每一步都感到焦虑。
了解挑战
社交焦虑通常会导致在社交场合中被评判或拒绝的强烈恐惧，这就是为什么交朋友会让人感到如此令人畏惧。
即使在互动之前，您可能会注意到您的心跳加速或您的大脑想象着最坏的情况（例如“他们会认为我很奇怪” ）。
请记住，这些焦虑的想法是社交焦虑的症状，而不是关于您的客观事实。
并不是说你没有能力去交朋友；而是说你没有能力去交朋友。你的大脑处于高度戒备状态，以保护你免受尴尬。
提醒自己社交焦虑是常见且可以治疗的。你现在的感觉并不是永久的——随着时间和练习，它可能会改变。
为社交场合做好准备（事前）
在社交之前缓解你的焦虑将帮助你真正迈出结识他人的一步。在互动之前尝试以下策略：
挑战消极想法
社交焦虑可能会告诉你“没有人会喜欢我”或“我肯定会搞砸”之类的事情。练习捕捉这些想法并质疑它们。
问问自己：“我确定知道吗？”然后将它们重新构建为更积极或更现实的。
例如，不要告诉自己“我总是让事情变得尴尬”，而是“我可能会感到尴尬，但其他人可能不会因此而评判我。”
这种认知重构可以消除一些焦虑的力量。
走出舒适区，迈出一小步
避免所有的社交场合会让你陷入困境，所以从小的、可管理的互动开始，以建立信心。
即使是向邻居打个招呼或与收银员简短地聊天也是一种进步。每一个小步骤都会教会您如何应对社交接触，并且随着您的舒适度的提高，您可以逐渐应对更大的社交挑战。
准备并练习平静策略
制定计划很有帮助。事先想一些简单的话题或问题（例如，评论周围的环境或询问对方的爱好），这样你就可以更好地开始对话（但是，请注意不要准备过度）。
另外，外出前使用放松技巧——尝试几次深呼吸或短暂的冥想来集中注意力。缓慢、平静的呼吸可以稳定你的神经，并向你的身体发出放松的信号。
通过准备一些对话开场白并让自己平静下来，您可以更加自信地进入社交场合。
寻找结识朋友的机会
另一个挑战是弄清楚在哪里可以结识潜在的朋友，尤其是以不会加重你焦虑的方式。
寻找能让对话更自然地进行的低压环境。例如：
加入围绕您的兴趣的小组或课程
当您与他人分享兴趣时，就更容易开始对话。考虑参加读书俱乐部、游戏聚会、健身课程或任何您喜欢的兴趣小组。一起专注于一项活动可以减轻压力。
只需参加定期的团体活动就可以帮助随着时间的推移自然形成友谊。
从你认识的人（一点点）开始
你并不总是需要接近完全陌生的人。您可以联系您已经认识的同事、同学或邻居。
邀请其中一位来喝一杯休闲咖啡或吃午餐。建立在现有熟人的基础上会感觉更安全，因为你们已经有了一些融洽的关系，而且可能会逐渐发展成为更亲密的友谊。
尝试交友应用程序 – 但计划见面
Bumble BFF 或 Meetup 等应用程序可以将您与也在寻找朋友的人联系起来。这是在家里寻找潜在朋友的好方法，但不要仅限于发短信。
与新朋友聊天后，建议在公共场所进行短暂的会面（例如喝杯咖啡）。
面对面的互动是真正友谊形成的地方。这可能会令人伤脑筋，但面对面的会面有助于将网上的熟人变成现实生活中的朋友。
对邀请说“是”
如果有人邀请你参加聚会或活动，挑战自己至少偶尔接受，即使你的本能是拒绝。
你可能会通过共同的朋友结识新朋友，或者只是喜欢和别人在一起。如果感觉难以承受，可以计划只停留一个小时左右，作为“退出计划”。
强迫自己在场（即使是短暂的）可以让你有机会进行交流。你练习说“是”的次数越多（在你的限度内），它就会变得越容易。
社交技巧（互动期间）
当你真正处于谈话或社交场合时，焦虑可能会加剧。以下是在互动过程中管理焦虑情绪并帮助您建立联系的方法：
专注于对方
不要只关注自己的焦虑，而要关注正在与你交谈的人。通过专注于他们所说的内容（而不是你的担忧），你会感觉不那么困在自己的头脑中。
人们也欣赏一个好的倾听者。提出开放式问题（例如“你是如何进入这个爱好的？”）可以让他们交谈并帮助对话自然进行。
用闲聊来打破僵局
如果谈话以天气或“你周末过得怎么样？”等简单话题开始，请不要担心。
闲聊可能感觉很琐碎，但这是一种有效的热身和找到共同点的方式。它可能会揭示共同点，引发更深入的讨论。
您可能会发现共同的兴趣，从而产生更有吸引力的话题。你不需要每句话都说一些深刻的东西——友好和细心就足够了。
让对话按照自己的节奏发展。
活在当下，善待自己
如果你发现你的脑子里充满了自我批评的想法（“我看起来一定很尴尬”），轻轻地将你的注意力转移回当下。
通过注意周围的事物（例如饮料的味道或背景音乐）来让自己接地气，以避免迷失在自己的头脑中。
提醒自己有点紧张是可以的。对方可能不会像你那样严厉地观察你。
如果您开始感到不知所措，可以先休息一分钟，然后再回来。
你不必完美——真诚和感兴趣比圆滑更重要。
社交后：应对活动后的焦虑
对于许多患有社交焦虑症的人来说，互动后担忧仍在继续。你可能会在脑海中重温这段对话、过度思考并严厉地评判自己。
这种“事后剖析”可能会让你的经历变得糟糕，并让你不再去往未来的郊游。应对社交后的焦虑：
别打败自己
克制住因你认为自己做“错”的事情而批评自己的冲动。社交焦虑可能会将轻微的尴尬时刻夸大为你脑海中的大灾难。
事实上，那个失败的笑话或者你偶然发现一个词的事实对其他人来说没什么大不了的。相反，要为自己所做的正确事情给予赞扬（例如，“我今天介绍了自己——这很勇敢。”）。
很可能对方并没有犯任何错误，所以尽量放开这些错误。善待自己，就像善待处于尴尬时刻的朋友一样。
放下它并重新集中注意力
一旦你离开社交环境，就做一些事情来将你的思维从分析模式中转移出来。
通过放松或有趣的活动来分散自己的注意力——观看喜爱的节目、玩游戏、散步或淋浴——任何可以打破过度思考循环的活动。
然后做出有意识的选择让这件事过去。提醒自己，一次互动并不能定义你。
如果需要的话，学习一些小教训，然后继续前进。不要仅仅因为感到焦虑就发誓不再参加社交活动——每一次经历都是练习，随着时间的推移，当你建立信心时，一切都会变得更容易。
专家提示和建议
为了强化这些策略，以下是一些专家支持的克服社交焦虑和建立友谊的技巧：
- 挑战你的想法（使用 CBT）：认知行为疗法 ( CBT ) 是一种经过验证的社交焦虑方法。它教你发现扭曲的想法并用现实的想法取代它们。例如，你可以练习思考“我感到紧张，但可能没有我想象的那么明显”，而不是“每个人都在评判我”。随着时间的推移，这种做法可以让社交互动不再那么可怕。
- 逐渐接触是有效的：慢慢地、反复地面对你的社交恐惧有助于减少它们。专家们一致认为，系统地一点一点地面对恐惧的情况可以大大减少焦虑。每次你强迫自己参加活动或发言时，你都会建立信心——就像锻炼肌肉一样。如果你坚持下去，曾经引起恐慌的事情就会开始变得更加平常。
- 考虑寻求支持：如果您极度焦虑，请毫不犹豫地寻求专业帮助。治疗师可以提供指导，与您进行棘手情况的角色扮演，并教您管理焦虑的专业技巧。社交焦虑是可以治疗的，因此获得专业帮助可以显着加快您的进步。即使是短期的治疗也可以为您提供使社交变得更容易的工具，因此获得支持并不可耻。
结论
与社交焦虑建立友谊是一个需要时间和勇气的旅程，但每一小步都是进步。
不要通过成为房间里最外向的人来衡量成功——成功是当你尝试时，当你不顾紧张地说“你好”时，或者当你参加聚会时即使你的手在颤抖。
在社交场合你可能总会感到某种程度的焦虑，这没关系。重要的是不要让这种恐惧阻止你与他人联系。
要有耐心，并为自己的每一次努力感到自豪。你练习得越多，就会变得越容易，即使是渐进的。
请记住，您值得拥有欣赏您的朋友，并且有人会欣赏您。审稿人作者
曼彻斯特大学心理学学士（荣誉）、研究硕士、博士
《简单心理学》主编
Saul McLeod 博士是一位合格的心理学教师，在继续教育和高等教育方面拥有超过 18 年的经验。他曾在同行评审期刊上发表文章，包括《临床心理学杂志》。